in the beginning....
in the beginning.... god created the heavens and the earth....
and.... in the beginning.... brian was driven to paranoia.... my x and her father.... drove me to insanity.... not really insanity.... but.... eye had a panic attack.... eye thought people were following me.... eye thought that eye was living in the life of tom cruze in the firm.... it sure seemed like it.... when eye would gossip about someone.... it always seemed like they somehow knew what eye had said....
and.... my marraige had gone in down the drain.... eye felt more alone in my marraige.... than eye had ever felt in my life.... and.... weird things would happen.... my x and eye were talking.... actually arguing.... about what we always argued about.... in the entry way of our house.... and.... it was more like a discussion.... we were using our inside voices.... but.... when.... my xs friend came over to run with my x.... my x heard her friend shut the car door outside.... and.... all of a sudden.... she started screaming at the top of her lungs.... and opened the door.... and ran toward her friend.... screaming at the top of her lungs.... eye felt like mike damone.... in fast times at ridgemont high.... eye woke up in a good mood.... what the hell happened.... actually it is the second part of this quote.... that eye felt a lot.... a real lot.... what the fuck just happened eye ask myself.... eye later thought to myself.... much later.... years later.... eye thought to myself.... it was a set up.... she was making me out to be the bad guy.... fabricating a story about me... so.... what did she do.... run to her friend.... and tell her that she was afraid of me.... that eye was.... or had.... hurt her.... what did she tell her friend.... or.... time.... my x and eye felt like our sons baseball coach.... was being abusive to our son.... so.... she asked me to talk to him.... so.... eye did.... and.... weeks later.... she applogized to him.... for me confronting him.... what just happened eye thought.... what the fuck just happened.... well.... if she was trying to ruin my relationship with him.... it worked.... because.... years later.... after we got divorced.... this same guy.... this baseball coach.... said to me.... sometimes.... when two people get divorced.... it is best for the rest of us.... if one party moves out of state.... he obviously meant me.... so.... she definitely destroyed that relationship.... that relationship.... eye did not mind losing.... because.... this guy was actually a total dick.... but.... it was other relationships that really hurt.... it was when.... two parents.... who eye THOUGHT were good friends.... invited my son.... to a FATHER son outing.... to go to a basketball game.... without me.... they called me.... asked for him.... and then invited him to go with them to a basketball game with them.... are you getting the picture.... three sons.... two fathers.... one father.... left out.... and.... they made sure.... that eye knew that eye was being left out.... fuck you.... fuck you you fucking assholes....
but.... eye digress.... much of this happened after my initial panic attack.... it was not the cause of my panic attack.... it was.... feeling like eye was living in the office in the movie the firm that drove me to insanity.... it was when it seemed like everyone knew everything that eye was saying.... that drove me to insanity.... it was.... constant set ups that drove me to insanity.... it was.... feeling like people on the streets were watching me.... following me.... that drove me to insanity.... not really insanity.... paranoia.... and.... as my therapist used to say.... it is NOT paranoia.... if it is really happening....
eye thought.... that my x and her father.... had hired people to follow me.... it is not that much of a stretch.... when eye worked for her father.... my boss was having an affair with the baby sitter.... and.... her father.... implied.... that if eye hired a private investigator.... to follow him.... and gather evidence.... that exposing my boss.... might get me a promotion.... so.... it is not much of a stretch.... that he did not suggest to other employees.... if they hired an investigator.... and they found me doing something wrong.... that they might get a promotion.... it is not that much of a stretch.... to think.... eye might actually have been being followed....
but.... when eye had a panic attack about all of it.... eye went to my fathers office in a panic.... he had me tell my story to his law partner.... and THEY had decided that eye was having a panic attack.... and eye needed to see a therapist and a psychiatrist.... and.... be put on mental health drugs....
so.... that is the beginning of it all.... that is where the mental issues started.... but.... at this point.... were they really mental issues.... or.... were my x and her father.... actually trying to set me up.... as eye thought.... to totally destroy my life.... eye would.... lose my marriage.... lose my job.... lose my kids.... lose my friends.... lose EVERYTHING.... that is where eye thought things were heading....